Laws

Being pregnant is a very strange state. I was unhindered by the living thing inside of me until this week. A few days ago, I couldn't sleep on my stomach anymore, and I had the distinct feeling that someone was sitting on me. I'm only 5 months along, which means I have 4 more glorious months to await.

The husband is, as always, very sweet to me. Asks me if I need anything at all hours of the day. What I really need is a good fuck with someone else to scratch this itch, but of course, I can't tell him that. I think I haven't had a real orgasm in at least 6 months now. And we have sex every.single.night.

What I've learned from my marriage is that there is a certain primal attractiveness about a person that is instantaneous, unforgeable, uncultivatable. My husband is not ugly or covered with sores or anything, but he is just... puny. Unmanly. Hairy in all the wrong places, unchiseled like a pat of butter. In the end, it comes down to the fact that he is not masculine enough for me. I thought I could develop a lust for him with time, but sex with him is rote, barely physics, a dead circuit.

What he lacks in his sex appeal, he makes up with kindness, thoughtfulness, and being an all-around wonderful human being. I couldn't imagine a better father for my baby. He'd never cheat on me(hell, I'm the hottest chick he's ever banged or hope to bang in his lifetime) and his pedigree and breeding certainly help. He essentially saved me by marrying me, so how could I turn my back on him now, or ever? I can't, of course.

But then I think: Maybe I have a sexual dysfunction. A disorder that makes me unable to get excited about sex unless it involves degradation, violence, danger. Maybe I should go see a sex therapist? Or maybe in the end, it doesn't matter, because we're all going to be wrinkly and pruney and gross anyway. Nobody stays attractive forever, right?