incoherence

Another thing that happens when you abstain from all forms of sex is that you start having spontaneous orgasms in your sleep. I think I had quite a few last night, and I woke up this morning feeling like I should feel bad about myself-- and surprise!-- there was no one else in my bed. This is like losing weight after binging on chocolate. What a crazy side effect from celibacy.

My rash has cleared. I bought some soap. I have smooth skin again.

I read a commentary online that had me saying, "I knew it!" at every five minute intervals. Basically, the gist of it was that the old saying mothers don't prefer one child over another-- that this is bullshit. Given that children have different personalities, different nuances of behavior-- it would be unnatural for mothers not to have a favorite child. Of course, no one talks about it because it's so un-PC. It reminds me of another theory I read in an obscure trade journal a few years ago, which said that the reason black people are such better athletes is because...(bear with me, this is rather offensive) back in the slavery days, they were "bred" like animals, that is, for maximum power output and form. The sickly ones died en route or faded to the sidelines. Very, totally un-PC, but it makes sense, if you think about it.

Growing up, my mother was so fucking mean to me, and oddly sycophantic to my brother. My brother really amounted to nothing, aside from a prodigious pot habit and a penchant for getting arrested for crimes most people get away with(petty theft, solicitation, that kind of thing). She's still mean to me, but it bothers me less than it used to, partly because now as an adult, I see her for the loser that she is. Slams are meaningless when it comes from a person for whom I have no respect. The last thing she said to me was that I should think about getting implants because no one will want me with such a "flat" chest. Hey, I'd rather be flat and thin than wobbly with udders, fat rolls protruding. Big boobs do not count if you're a fat ass. But who the fuck says that to their own kid? It's like a father saying to his son, "You have a tiny dick. Get a penis pump." Completely inappropriate and gauche.

So guess what? Your mother does have a favorite child. It might or might not be you. Who cares?

Elizabeth is avoiding me for some reason. I can't think of anything I've done to offend her. Maybe I've just become one of those people who are insufferable because they talk about their problems all the time.

Off to the gym. Let's see what looks of abject hatred I can round up from the women sporting muffin tops.