can't take the trash out of the girl

Ugh, am horrible @ managing money. Spent $300 yesterday at Target, of all places. They had a lot of really cool Richard Chai stuff, and I threw it all in the cart and somehow it ended up being $300.

JAY keeps sending me pictures of himself. Have I ever mentioned that the sight of a man's meat stick really grosses me out? Really. If a guy wants to turn me off, the quickest thing to do would be to send some cock shots my way. Ewww. He says gross stuff like "Tell me your deepest, darkest fantasy" and "What would you like me to do 2 u?" Listen, buddy, this isn't 1-900-free-dirtytalk. Either pay up or shut up.

I had lunch w/Elizabeth today and I told her what I did. She rolled her eyes and said, "Well, I'm not surprised. This is typical man-hater stuff, where you try to exploit men like they exploit you." Man-hater? Am I really that transparent?

I don't know why I hate men so much. I seem to derive pleasure at hurting them somehow. Somewhere along the line of cynicism, everything curdled into this sinister, life-negating mentality. I think my man-hating is really just a natural extension of my self-hating.

Elizabeth laughed so hard at my hiring of Tupac and having him loiter the lobby in an upscale downtown hotel. "Jesus, are you crazy? What were you thinking? Of course they would have kicked him out, he had PIMP written on his forehead!" She said my life was something out of a bad Easton Ellis novel.

Then she said: "You know, Catherine. It's times like these when I really see how your upbringing screwed you up. I mean, you're otherwise well-spoken and all, but I think there's a whole chunk of Life 101 you missed growing up in a trailer park."

Well, no shit. Of course this comes all down to my parents and my trashy childhood. Who else can I blame?

The thing that made me laugh like hell was when Elizbeth told me that I asked too little for the peep show. "Well, how much should I have charged, then?"

"At least $2000."

!!! Bitch, you must be trippin' . No man is going to pay $2000 to see some chick naked, no matter how hot.

"Well, you are severely attractive. Plus you went to Harvard."

Uh, yeah. Think the guys give a hoot where I went to school? Talk about naive.

In other unrelated news, there is this... annoying but sweet friend of mine that keeps giving me weird vibes. Like, he'll tell me he wishes he could meet a girl "exactly like me" and tells me saccharine bullshit stories(e.g. he was a fat kid, he felt alienated), like to get into my pants through my heart. (Ha, little does he know that I have no heart and the way through my pants is through his wallet.) I feel sorry for him and I try to let him know that I only think of him as a friend. I actually called him "homie" last night and punched him in the gut. Then he got drunk and told me he jerked off by thinking of me. Gee, thanks.

I think I will go to church tomorrow. I feel my life is in need of some religious righteousness. As if listening to a homily will make me feel less like a whore destined to burn in hell's everlasting fire.