Never enough

I got a taste of what easy money is like yesterday, and I am afraid it has unleashed a beast within.

I realize that yesterday was a complete fluke-- nothing happened to me, the guy didn't try to ass-rape me, and I didn't get in trouble of any sort. And I made quick money. But I am no fool and know that this is rare.

But I really hate my current job-- tutoring MCAT, SAT for Kaplan-- and I'd rather do something else. Before this summer, I was poor, but everyone else was doing ok. Nowadays, I am poor and everyone around me is poor also. This makes mooching off of others nearly impossible.

JAY emailed me today and he wanted to know how much a "full pacakge" would be. Honestly, I didn't know how much to ask for. He gave me $400(including tip) just to watch me strip and pretend masturbate, and now he wants "the full pacakge." Then it's like, ok, how much am I worth in pure dollars? I don't see myself letting him fuck me for less than $1000, but I know this is exorbitant and a little ridic.

I hate my body so much: my boobs are too small, I have a mole on my vagina, and my calves are too big. But I must admit that none of this has bothered any dude from deriving pleasure by looking at me naked. Like, yesterday, as soon as I started to take my clothes off, JAY was like, "Ohhh, hold on, can you keep your panties on for a while longer, I don't want to cum yet." OK dude.

It was pretty weird, and I kept thinking how straight out of Literotica this was. He offered me a drink, and I took 1 sip(no way was I getting drunk w/this possible psycho), and I hooked my ipod up to his laptop, and I stripped for him. Then he was like, "I want to see you touch yourself" so I made some exaggerated moans and closed my eyes halfway, saying cheesy ass shit like, "I'm getting sooo wet." If anything on me was wet, it was my pits, because I was kinda scared he would jump me and ass rape me. But I remember a stripper telling me that the worst thing you could do in front of a john was to show your fear. So I acted like everything was super sexy and turning me on. I'm a pretty bad actor and I was kind of nervous that he would see through the act, but he seemed to buy into it.

Then he was like, "Can I suck on your boobs a little?" And I didn't know how to say no w/o ruining the mood. So I let him, and then he wanted to go down on me, but I smiled and reminded him that he wasn't supposed to touch me. I grinded my ass on his thigh though, and he came instantly. It was over in 15 mins.

All this time, Tupac(my bodyguard) was waiting in the lobby for me. He was supposed to come up to the room if I didn't come out or text him in 30 mins. After it was over, JAY gave me a $50 tip and thanked me very formally. When I came down to the lobby, Tupac was arguing w/the concierge because they were asking him leave. He was like, "WHATCHOU doin' down here already, girl?"

I don't trust JAY or Tupac though. Actually, I guess I don't have to fear Tupac because he is really, really stupid. JAY, on the other hand, is not. He's not a bad looking guy, and he seems too slick to be paying women to do anything w/him. He's some sort of real estate developer who owns property all over the country and travels all the time. That's why none of this made sense to me. Why would a decent looking guy pay $400 to essentially jerk off? Part of the reason I was ok w/meeting him the first time was because I had my Tupac w/me, and also, he was staying at an upscale hotel. But what if he was keeping his crazy shit under wraps until I was lured by his normality? I don't know. I am also deathly terrified of herpes, and receiving $1000 is not enough reason to contract herpes or genital warts or whatever else he might have.

What's funny is that I don't give a shit when it comes to fucking people for free. Like, the fear of STDs has not stopped me from getting action, not even once. But when you factor money into the equation, that's when things become dangerous.

BTW, Tupac isn't his real name. It's T'Shawn, but I call him Tupac because he's black and big and likes rap music.