Black

I passed out this morning as I was getting off the treadmill. I couldn't finish my 6 miles, I could barely pound out 5.66! My heart started racing painfully and throbbing and I couldn't see anything anymore and the next thing I know, some girl is yelling, "Call 911!" This is the 2nd time this has happened to me at the school gym, and I might have to pay for a membership at a different gym so people don't think I'm some crazy 'rexic running nut(which I am, but I don't want everyone to know about it!). Plus I keep getting these looks (only from women) of abject hatred, and I don't want to deal with all this drama when I work out. Just let me do my thing and leave me alone, damnit.

I'm sure my body hates me. I overeat once every three days, and when I'm not starving, I'm drinking gallons of cold water or reapplying lip gloss. Mark saw me last night and he was like, "You know how some girls take it too far with the being thin thing? You're there. I think if you lose any more, you'll be unattractive. You're starting to look asexual." I know his comment was meant to deter me, but it made me soooo happy that he said that. Unf, who the fuck cares if I look asexual. Sex is only a poor substitute for what I'm really after.

Mark and I are going to Paris this summer, we decided. I'm tired of waiting to be in love so I can visit Paris again, and who better to go w/than Mark? He is so fucking adorable it drives me crazy sometimes. If I'm not married by the time I'm 35, we are going to have kids together. He's tall, blatantly good-looking, and 2X smarter than me. Of course I want his sperm.

OK, I'm supposed to meet Elizabeth for lunch soon and I need to get ready. I'm having iced tea, of course. And she has some last season's clothes for me, including a loose Phillip Lim sweater I've been coveting since forever! I now have an outfit for my dykecon Thursday.