The REAL Southbeach Diet: an 8ball of coke, followed by a cigarette. Repeat for a few days and guaranteed to make you lose your muffin top
The Mini-thin Hangover Diet(what I'm on now): As many mini-thins as you can take, + coffee and a lingering hangover. Sight of food will repulse you so you totes take off at least a stone
The Anorexing(my fav): All the water you can drink. Chew on your pen if you get hungry
The Substitution Diet: Substitute intercourse for food. Obvs you got to get on top. BJs should not included, because semen has abou 10 Calories per gram
The Binge-orexing: Hurl the most sugary, fatty, calorie-laden food you can find into your face(or whatever's not nailed down to your kitchen table), consequently feel guilty. Spend rest of the day anorexing.
I don't advocate bulimia because that's for messy chicks and it erodes your teeth (bulimic girls are always chubs anyway).
When will my stupid headache go away?? I keep scowling in pain and I don't want to get wrinkles. That will depreciate my future trophy-wife looks.
Oh, and got an email from one of the colony directors; a spot is mine if I want it. Since it's not so out of reach anymore, it doesn't appeal to me as much. Why didn't you play a little hard to get, colony? I would have wanted you more.
Trainer-boy is coming over to my place to watch Gossip Girl w/me. I hope he doesn't think this is code for "let's have sex and pretend to watch TV," because I do not enjoy being bothered while my GG is on. He is bringing dinner as the contents of my fridge consist of alcohol and nail polish.
Diets that work
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Posted by C at 4:31 PM
Labels: diets, Gossip Girl, trainer-boy
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3 comments:
I feel so old. What the hell is a Mini-thin?
And, uh, where would one purchase said item if, you know, one was interested?
Mini thins are OTC stimulants they used to sell in gas stations and quickie marts some time ago. I haven't seen them around lately because of the ephedra ban, so the Mini thins I have left are leftovers from the piles I used to hoard 2-3 yrs ago. I think you still might be able to find them online, but frankly, I think Hydroxycuts are much better at suppressing the appetite and boosting your metabolism.
Oh.
(Nervous laughter) I thought they might be some kind of diet cracker from Nabisco.
(All together now) DUMBass!
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